Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.
Why do stars fall down from the sky
Every time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.
On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue.
- The Carpenters

i really wanted to blog about many many things. but somehow everything seemed so useless. i mean, all those things seemed to have lost their 'wow-ness'. i read my mummy's blog and i guess it really hit me. HARD. i just started tearing. it's something i'll remember and treasure. mummy dear, i love you too (:

i think my english vocabulary is bad. okay, i dont have to think. it is bad. i'm having so much difficulty trying to express my feelings in proper words. but it's so difficult. i just cant get that feeling expressed properly. it's horrible. i keep repeating myself and i just cant stand it. that impact is not there.

i know you dont get it at all. even i myself dont even get what im saying. that whole feeling is lost. it's so not that feeling i want to put across. i wanna make it seem so wow. so amazing. but it's just almost impossible. the words just dont show how much it means to me. how much it affects me. i'd rather just shut up then. that feeling just sucks. it's not that i dont wanna talk anymore. it's just... i dont know. it's a feeling that i cant express. it's not that i dont wanna tell you. but i find it so difficult. i dont even know how to express it and say it out. when i say it out, that feeling is so not there. the whole meaning just is wrong. is not what i wanna say. you'll get the wrong idea and i dont want that to happen. so yes, just shut up ally. you keep saying stuff. i dont wanna start hating you or anything. it's cos you mean so much to me. you really do. but those small little comments either make my day or just spoil my whole mood. usually, it just brings me down. it just makes my insides crumble. being that annoying sensitive ally again. -slaps.

i dont get how thats better than yours. i dont see how. really dont see how. can you please stop looking at things in such detail ? can you stop reading between the lines ? it's killing you ally. it really is. you're already struggling with so many things. stop it. just ignore them. stop finding more work. it's piling up yet again. dont ally dont. you're just gonna kill yourself with this. just let it go. i know it's hard but yes, let.it.go. you just told your juniors and trainees that they can go to the excos for help. people need your help girl. you cant break down now. you just cant. there's so many things that needs to be settled. all those council stuffs and friendships. friends are waiting for you too. be strong. you just cant break down.

you're lucky. you really are. stop that 'inside-you' from growing please. it's not doing you any good. it really aint.

oh shut up ally. someone shut me up.

let your heart out.

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